"You sank my four-holed thing"- how I play Battleship.

• Knock out all your teeth with a hammer and say goodbye to paying attention when Oral-B commercials come on.
• Contrary to what you might think, Pop Tarts with hollandaise doesn't taste like a match made in heaven.
• Not sure what's stopping me from buying a dinosaur bone and grating it over some pasta.
• Let's just disagree to disagree.
• When I close my eyes all I see is you ...and my mom. And Oprah. Some fridge magnets. A bee playing drums. Oh, and weird colored lights too.
• Are Cheez-Its and Cheese Nips even aware of each other?
• This "To Kill A Mockingbird" is the worst do-it-yourself book I've ever read.
• A great diet is to watch paranormal activity 3 & then be too scared to walk into the kitchen ever ever again
• I bet Pinocchio regretted becoming a real boy when he found out about diarrhea.
• I bet if everyone was allowed to punch one person in the face per year without consequence, people would be a lot nicer to each other.
• Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don't understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
• White girl rules: 1.Starve yourself BC you'll feel fat no matter what (you can blame media) 2.Tell ppl u love to dance 3.Fart in private :(
• Pizza delivery is nice, but I bet it was like a thousand times cooler back when everyone rode horses.
• According to my neighbor's journal, I have "boundary issues."  pffft