Wtf do frogs do all day?

• There is a version of me that talks out loud to myself but at least she is super positive.
• Once you let go of what other people think and learn to be ok with yourself, ALL THE CAKE GOES IN YOUR MOUTH.
• Eavesdropping is easy when people think your headphones are plugged in. Get that wart checked out, dude.
• You guys know swans are complete dicks right
• I like when Olive Garden commercials begin, "Attention all pasta lovers!" because then the rest of us know it's okay to just kinda zone out.
• Tying your jacket/sweater around your waist is a fun way to let everyone know you had your period through your pants.
• Great thing about being an adult: you can eat a bag of Funyuns with a samurai sword anytime you want.
• Best way to break up with someone is move to Hawaii and tell them love will build a bridge between your hearts. Don't worry, it won't.
• Force me to listen to your favorite song while you stare at me so I'll finally have a use for these kitchen knives I've been lugging around.
• Trying to start a new fashion trend, it's where the food on your face sort of matches whatever cute animal is printed on your pajama pants.
• Bad news guys: no one gives a shit about the dream you had last night. I know, let's try & get through this together
• Guys, you can put off marriage a little while longer by telling her you want your best man to be a goat skeleton.
• Turn your car as slow as possible into a driveway and never forget you're the only one in the world.
• When I'm talking to someone I just met, I always hold my hand on their shoulder and lean in to smell their hair so they know I'm not creepy.
• I don't even know what I do with my life between the times I eat donuts