Why does everyone have to be such a weirdo?

• If you buy me a digital picture frame as a gift, I'll fill it with pictures of my disappointed face from receiving a digital picture frame.
• If you and your best friend don't have at least one night in your past that you vow to never discuss, you're not best friends.
• FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF? MORE LIKE FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY ON HOLY SHIT WHAT A CRAZY FUN DAY FOR THEM. LOL LOL
• Don't worry about success guys most of you would look super weird in a yacht
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• If you need any bad ideas let me know I have a lot of them.
• Blood is grosser than water.
• I've watched enough episodes of Snapped to know I'll probably end up being on an episode of Snapped.
• I want to open a deli that serves nothing but knuckle sandwiches to stupid people.
• I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
• If you were truly hardcore about being Forever Lazy® you would just shit in your pajamas.
• I'd relax with some hot chocolate if I knew how much it took to fill the tub.
• "SHE GOT A ASS LIKE A TANK! ASS LIKE A TANK! SHAWTY ON A POLE! GOTTA WORK FOR THE BANK!" That one's free, Yin Yang Twins.
• IThink if we give politicians some garlic bread they'll stop starting shit for a while.
• Thanks for reminding me to "have a safe trip." I was going to roll down a cliff and let the river float me to my destination. Close call.
• You never see commercials for fire extinguishers.
• How do I reassure my friend that her boyfriend isn't cheating on her without using the words "constantly sweaty" and "obviously gay"?
• I tried acting like a responsible adult at work all day yesterday but they sent me home sick
• You're not in Barnes and Noble right now, but there's someone standing in the way of where you'd want to look anyway.
• At a quick glance, your nose ring looks like a booger. Is that the look you were going for?