Question For My Crush: Sup?

• I don't know CPR or the Heimlich maneuver, but if you need to be brought back to life via Disney song, I'm your hero.
• I'm loving the circles around my eyes today. Like body bags for the people I murdered in my head.
• I need to drink coffee to make coffee but I can't drink coffee until I make coffee but I can't make coffee until I drink coffee.
• The battery in my wireless mouse just died. Pray for me.
• Whenever I receive a piece of actual mail I stare at it blankly for a moment. Then I scream and set it on fire. The past scares me.
• My hobbies include running up to young girls, saying “I’m YOU, from THE FUTURE. Don't pick the green one! DON'T!" then sprinting away.
• I'm not allowed to have knives on thanksgiving since I cut myself and threw my blood at my mother in law after she commented on how much gravy I used
• I don't understand how this milk can be expired when I don't even know what the date is?
• When I'm losing an argument, I just act real cool, chuckle a little shaking my head, then suddenly take off running
• Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy spent years in therapy after being stigmatized and harassed by his peers.
• Pulled up next to a motorcycle guy today. Pointed to his jacket & said, "Your flair is really cute!" Pretty sure I made his day.
• Who wrote Shakespeare’s plays? = Who pooped Shakespeare’s pants?
• Scientists are speculating that lakes found on Jupiter’s moon Europa indicate the possibility of extraterrestrial life/jet skiing.
• They forgot to leave directions in this rental car to the nearest giant fiery death ramp.
• The camera adds 10 pounds when you step onto the scale holding a camera with a big telephoto lens.
• I carry a knife, but it's just in case of cake.
• Did I put a question mark where it wasn't necessary. Yes I did?
• Unexpected orange rind in this cookie is why I punched you. Because F you and your crap zest.