- When I see a man reading from an iPad, I address him as "Nancy."
- Yankee Doodle stuck a feather in his cap & called it macaroni. Everyone clapped & said "Good job, bud!" Mr. Doodle was mildly retarded
- My Dad doesn't like "new fangled food" like hummus. I hate those 3000 year old recipes too.
- When my face and ass start to sag I'll start reading books or maybe I'll volunteer somewhere but until then it's Sexy City for me!!
- Take all your favorite things and burn them in a Walmart parking lot. Nobody gives a shit.
- I've never run a 5K but I have gotten sprayed by two different skunks in one day.
- I don't drink and I don't do drugs but I do lick whatever drug free thing I can get my tongue on.
- I keep the heel in the bread bag until the loaf is gone in case a psycho stays at my house and wants to eat it.
- I want to play a joke on a lady at work, so could everyone in the whole world please start calling Sloppy Joes "Sloppy Lindas"? Thanks.
- It sucks at first when squirrels get into your house but then it turns out they're pretty fun to watch TV with.
- I spend 40% of my time in church thinking of religious-themed breakfast dishes. Thus my current longing for a Monte Christ-o.
- This floor is wet but there's no wet floor sign. I guess I'll just lay here and inform people of its treachery until it dries.
- Put a cone E-collar on my dog, so if he wants to know what his butt smells like he's gonna have to ask.
- I've been studying palmistry, and according to my hands, I tend to waste my time studying bullshit.
- It s your face. You ought to get it sorted
- You could wear a tracksuit comprised of thousands of tiny chameleons and strangers will see your naked body and that would be totally legal.
- Take it from me, peanut butter is a perfectly acceptable substitute for hair gel
- I'd love to quit smoking but the wheezing in my nose kind of sounds like a tiny hawk so I'm torn.
- “Ok but 3 of you are ugly” say this if a family of 4 asks u to take a picture even if it's not true BC it'll be a good experience for them
- My neighbor asked me to keep an eye on his house while he's out of town. I've already texted him "Your house isn't on fire" 42 times.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Product idea: A sports drink that tastes like a flavor
Posted by Krista at 11:52 AM