Lane Bryant: because I've said "F it" too many times.

• Taco Bell is now selling ice coffee which is great cause they just changed their slogan to, "We love to make people shit!!".
• Sorry to bring this up but I still feel like some of you aren't "getting" me.
• Well its official I can no longer pee without my phone
• I don't know anything about art, but I know what I like, and what everybody else should like.
• Breakfast food commercials have taught me that everyone is a greedy pig who will try to scam you out of your nutrition when you look away.
• A flat tax? Haven't us ladies with small boobs suffered enough?
• My finger just touched a public toilet seat. I don't want to be all dramatic about it so I'll just say goodbye forever.
• Politics make me sleepy. Also kittens yawning.
• Whenever I wake up feeling unattractive, I just take a calming drive. Until I've spotted 10 people who are uglier than me.
• If anyone's interested, I'm selling one of my eggs! (FYI it's been fertilized and is a ten-year-old child)
• Get the F away from me with no guacamole.
• U-turns are, like, too personal.
• I ate an eggwich and now my hair looks stupid. They MIGHT not be related.
• So cool almost all my dashboard warning lights are on and it's not even Christmas yet!!!
• I sometimes cut my tongue on the mirror when I'm making out with myself  :(
• I'm sorry but there's no way I'm digging up a grave with a coffee mug tonight and I think these horoscopes are getting a little too specific
• If movies have taught me anything, it's that I'm going to be possessed by the devil in 51 minutes.
• If you want to never get to know the real me we should date for 2 years.