- The best time to ask me for a favor is when I'm in a hypnotized stupor after I've been watching my laptop screensaver for twenty minutes
- I'd subscribe to Teen Beat magazine if it was actually about beating the crap out of teens.
- Yes officer, I took the Merry Christmas flags off his car & beat the shit out of him with them, but wasn't just for me it was for everyone.
- Disappointed to learn "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure wasn't about a Philly cheese steak.
- Your "Fun Times" fb photo album doesn't look that fun. It looks like you and some fat chicks had drinks and blew kisses at a camera
- It's pretty cool how your car makes you totally invisible so you can pick your nose, except for the fact that WE SEE YOU, MORON!
- I've had no formal Facebook training so I really hope I've been doing it right.
- Long John Silver's is probably the best place to fill up a diaper.
- I'll kiss a close talker just to teach them a lesson.
- I want to slip into all of the sweatpants. All of them.
- Bobbing for apples is fun, unless they're road apples, in which case you have horse poop in your mouth and that's super ewwy.
- I Don't answer my phone if I don't recognize the number. I don't answer my phone if I recognize the number. I don't answer my phone.
- What do I like to do? I like to not like to do things.
- Both of my feet are asleep... Don't steal any of my shit.
- Whoever tried to sew leeann rhimes' eyelids shut you got real close but didn't quite finish the job by all means please do
- We've wrapped cheap electric lights around our dead indoor tree and are ready for the guy to break into the house while we're sleeping!
- I know a guy who took a drunken crap in a pizza box and I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not very good at keeping secrets.
- I'm gonna open up a restaurant called "everything has truffle oil or coconut water in it we win" I'll start counting my millions now
Monday, February 20, 2012
Posted by Krista at 1:10 PM