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Monday, February 20, 2012

It's all fun and games until the unicorn accidentally impales you.

  • Accidentally ran over a dove today. Keep wondering why he didn't avoid my car. Maybe I'm just too demanding. Maybe I'm just like my father,too bold
  • My hair smells like raspberries and rose petals. My breath smells like old cheese and liquid poop.
  • Between all of the Spice Girls they have given birth to 1,237 kids.
  • Why, yes, my hair IS naturally wicked-witchy.
  •  Why would we want to use tax money to get rid of potholes hello there is pot in there
  • There should be a second dental assistant who scratches your nose and keeps your hair looking good.
  •  I'm wearing brand new shoes, so I'm completely oblivious to anything else going on around me.
  • I hate when people text me "what are you doing?" at 1:00 PM on a weekday. Well I don't have your Art History degree, so probably "working".
  • Every time I see a Smart Car parked on my street, I pick it up and throw it on my neighbor's lawn.
  • Holla if you miss that Boys II Men guy with the baby brontosaurus teeth.
  •  People can be real jerks after I hit them with my car like once.
  • Putting a screen protector on my phone is done with the same amount of concentration as the guy cutting the red wire to save the President.
  • Nice try, Weather Channel. We all know tornados are caused by ungrateful teenage girls.
  • If you told me the cheese puffs I'm eating were poisoned I would probably still keep eating them.
  • I got shampoo in my eye then accidentally swallowed some wow I should probably go help Stella get her groove back.
  • I wish the giant inflatable gorillas would stop making me buy cars all the time.
  •  I wouldn't say I'm "coo coo" for Cocoa Puffs, but I do want to take a bath in them.
  • HELP I'M BEING MURDERED. J/K my phone is ringing and it just feels like I'm getting murdered because my childhood was a C-
  • The best time to choreograph a dance video in my mind is when anyone talks to me about anything.

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