- The mama cat keeps naming her newborn kittens Meow. How will you differentiate between them, you idiot cat?!
- I like to shake people's hands and watch them touch their mouths soon after.
- Your baby was cute until I realized you're on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
- I'll eat a whole sleeve of Oreos. I don't give a shit.
- Every time I run a half filled dishwasher, I like to think the dishes are pretending they're in the VIP section of an exclusive club.
- The only person more uncomfortable than me on the phone is anyone within earshot of me on the phone.
- I end all conversations with my family the same way, "Bye, I love you, when I die please don't commemorate me on your car's rear window."
- Guys: Do you carry a big knife clipped onto your pocket? You probably don't need to. You can leave it at home.
- Rabbits are super cute and cuddly but they get kind of weird about French kissing.
- I wanted to be an astronaut until the first time I gnawed on some space ice cream.
- At this point the UPS guy thinks I just don't know you're supposed to zip up your fly.
- Winter's finally arrived....I know this because I just had to mentally prepare myself to sit on the toilet seat.
- The work bathroom is the easiest way to share something intimate with people you hate.
- This girl in spin class just took off her pants only to reveal ANOTHER SET OF PANTS what is this the MAGIC GYM
- Can anyone remember why Food Network doesn't have a show where I eat cookies?
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Posted by Krista at 11:01 PM