I just really wanna click on a questionable link.

• The last six people to entrust me with their library card all died in weird accidents
• I wish I could respond to an unwanted e-vite with an e-rolling-my-eyes.
• How many teenage runaways does Rachael Ray have chained up in her basement?
• If you want to avoid murder a good first step is to never order a tuna melt
• Is there a way to replace all the blood in my body with nacho cheese?
• I want to empty a clip into your LinkedIn invitation
• I'm so sick of beans being the only food we refry
• Vegetarian meatballs should be called orbs of shit
• Y'all can stop with the ADHD jokes. They're getting kinda annoying and quite frankly, I think these jeans DO make my butt look big :/
• OH MY GOD CALM DOWN GARBAGE TRUCKS WE GET IT YOU ARE DOING A JOB NO ONE WANTS TO DO BE QUIET
• You can only run naked through my town's main street for 5 minutes 34 seconds without being arrested.
• J.U.I.C.E - Just Understand I Control Everything
• Has anyone ever combined eating ice cream with getting a massage? Because I have this really good business idea...
• Every time I eat chips I know I'm going to eat just the right amount that makes me never want chips again.
• I'm putting how many Lego's I've put together on my resume. Also how many I've stepped on
• I think I finished all the websites.
• Klingons worship a god commonly known as Saran Wrap.
• No, I will not ‘get over myself’ because I’m not really sure what that means.
• I don't care what anyone says, I still think Jim Henson's greatest creation was the singer from Counting Crows.
• Dear Santa: The candy canes on my tree are not for you. Back up, fatty.
• I wish they still made garanimals because it's been a long time since my shirt matched my pants.
• I had corn dogs & carrot cake for dinner but I'm going to tell my skinny friends I had salad & laughter
• Right now somewhere in the mountains is a husky woman named Ingrid yodeling her life story to a flock of sheep.
• The biggest lesson to be learned from "A Christmas Carol" is that people will talk shit about you when you're not there.