- Build all the casinos you want, Native Americans, but it won't make up for the fact that you guys killed all the dinosaurs.
- I bet dying vultures have lots of awkward moments with their friends.
- I can't help but think the little gap between my socks and the bottom of my jeans is the only thing stopping me from achieving my goals.
- I just bought tampons and a garden hose at Starbucks
- Even if I don't buy it, if I spend more than 3 seconds handling an avocado I have to give it a name. Right, Guactavius?
- This guy at 7-11's butt just made a noise I think you're only supposed to hear underwater
- Russian strippers must get pretty tired of having Russian money thrown at them because Russian money is empty Gasoline cans.
- A prison shower's not that bad, is it? Don't they have a Quiznos in there?
- I could still be a doctor.
- Its always good to slam your fist down and yell "I'm a goddamn ideas man!" when adding extra gummy worms to your ice cream.
- Make your mark on the world, not just a little scratch Cut deep, make it bleed
- Farts begin appreciating in value the second they leave your butt.
- If I could meet my younger self, I wouldn't ask it anything. I'd just go with a "hey." The whole thing would be awkward.
- This power outage is just God telling me to slow down and take a breath and go ahead and kill myself because he hates me.
- I spend most of the day mad I haven't bought myself a chocolate bar
- It's beginning to look a lot like Presentsmas!
- Guns don't kill people, people kill people, but this gun made it so simple and effortless, I still have the energy for killing more!
- If you are a puppy dog & you are reading this, do you want to come hang out at my house today
Monday, February 20, 2012
Posted by Krista at 1:07 PM