- I don't know if it's "a" ukulele or "an" ukulele so I stick with faggy baby guitar.
- Julie Andrews and I share exactly 0 favorite things.
- My dog wants to go out. GET IN LINE, DOG
- The worst thing you could ever do to me is use my name in a sentence.
- A friend of mine does yoga everyday for an hour. That's one whole hour out of her day that she's not telling everyone how she does yoga.
- Can I borrow a million bucks?
- Today I learned two things: 1) Some mothers need to chillax. 2) The soft spot on a baby’s head is not an off button.
- Lil Wayne dresses like a donkey piñata jizzed all over him.
- If you think your cat loves you, just remember it would probably yawn and fall asleep while watching you get murdered with a rake.
- How do I enter income from bank robberies on my form 1040-EZ? H&R Block hung up on me.
- I don't know who they named the "Lazy Susan" after, but she feels like a relative.
- You should never describe a baby as "Benjamin Button-y" parents get super pissed.
- Making a noose out of string cheese. Also, eating the noose.
- If you scramble the letters in Courtney Love's name she still smells like formaldehyde.
- If you're going to hunker, down is the way to go.
- Don't try to kill an annoying Walmart customer with a sword because they'll just regenerate like some kind of mayonnaise T-1000.
- I go to the hardware store & ask for a T-Watt bulb. When they ask "Whats a T-Watt?" I say "YOUR MOM!" I knock over some brooms & run away
- Dropping your remote under the couch and trying to get it is the equivalent of a 2-hr workout. (Let me have this.)
Monday, February 20, 2012
Posted by Krista at 1:00 PM