my cat chelstons diary

• Don't tell my Mom, but I know these mice aren't real. I will destroy the evil bell in that ball, though...
• I wouldn't necessarily call myself a "foodie," but how delicious is mashed-up wet food!?
• Rescued my Mom from a spider this morning. No biggie.
• Mom only gave me 278 kisses today. Should I be worried?
• To do: Drop mouse in water dish, meow back at snoopy across the way, lick paw, nap.
• Cats rule and dogs drool - NOT! I actually have a few dog friends. They're not that bad, guys!
• Trying to find a nice way to tell my mom that my name's not "snuggy buggy," & she needs to ease up on trying to "eat my wittle fasche."
• If only Mom would look at me the same way she looks at her Lean Pockets lol
• •  Knocked over a vase of lilies lmao
  • Mom came home early tonight to snuggle with her "baby." Uh, Mom, I'm 10 months old
  • Mom keeps trying to put a bow tie on me. It's like, MOM! Jeez!
  • Got poop stuck to my leg fur.
  • I can't stop purring! LOL JK FML!
  • Spilled Mom's latte this morning. What's a latte?
  • Don't. Trust. Frogs.
  • MOM! My name is NOT Captain Meow Meow Pants!
  • Found Mom's diary. Would never read it, but if I did, & had to describe it in one word, I'd say DRAMATIC MUCH? Lol
  • Puked on the floor at 4am. Mom was jealous
  • Mom just choked on a grape. Classic Mom
  • Pooped on the floor lol
  • Mom let me have chicken this morning!!!!!!!!!!!! CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Changing my FB status to "In a Relationship"... With my butt
  • Woke Mom up at 4am lol
  • Mom nearly kissed me to death. TO DEATH
  • Spring cleaning my butt
  • Mom's sleepy but I'm going ape shit with my toys
  • Mom says I "could not be more handsome if I tried," but I'm still gonna try (Personal hygiene and appearance are pretty important to me).
  • • Mom says we're doing a photo shoot for a calendar. I'm not even a firefighter
    • Can someone help me open a bottle of wine? I want to surprise Mom when she gets home!
    • Mom's drinking alone, again lol
    • Woke Mom up 5 times last night & now she looks like a sad clown face lmao
    • Mom said I'm even more handsome than Tom Brady & I was like WHAAAAAA?
    • Got worms in my bum.
    • Spit out my worm meds lol
    • Mom kisses weird 
    • Mom says it's against the law to be so handsome. I don't want to get arrested Im so frightened
    • We need a channel that plays kitten videos. All kittens, all the time. When shit gets intense, turn on the kittens.
    • Mom says I smell so good that if she bottled up my scent she'd be a zillionaire
    • Happy HUMP day jk I'm fixed
    • Mom says I'm out of control. Out of control HANDSOME lol
    • Mom's all "Where's my Dawson DVDs?" & I'm all "Don't look at me! I can't even work the DVD player"
    • Mom keeps saying she needs to find me a Daddy. What's a Daddy? Some kind of new wet food? 
    • Weighed in at 11 lbs. this morning. Mom's jealous
    • Birds are weirdos lol